


Space Cowboys

by vtn



Category: Fake News
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Crack, M/M, Parody, Songfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2007-01-21
Updated: 2007-01-21
Packaged: 2017-11-17 16:23:15
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 878
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/553538
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/vtn/pseuds/vtn
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Once upon a time in a strange, gender-confused high school, there was a little girl named Jon Stewart, and it had come time for prom. [Badfic parody.]</p>
            </blockquote>





	Space Cowboys

**Author's Note:**

> YESSSSSSSSSssssssssss

Once upon a time in a strange, gender-confused high school, there was a little girl with a big cock named Jon ~~Stuart~~ ~~Stewert~~ \--named Jon, all right? and it had come time for prom.

"I'm so depressed," said Jon depressedly, looking at herself in the mirror. Her hair was perfect, her dress was gorgeous, but she just felt so ugly on the inside since no one seemed able to see her for the beautiful girl she really was. It reminded her of her favorite character from her favorite TV show, Strangers with Candy (A/N: Did you see what I just did there? DID YOU SEE??).

_Here it comes (Millennium)_  
 _And everybody's talkin 'bout Jerusalem_  
 _Is this the beginning or beginning of the end_  
 _Well, I've got other thoughts my friend_

She went stag to the prom anyway, since her poor doting mother insisted she do so. "After all, Jon," her mother said, "I was once lonely too, you know. Then a plot contrivance happened."

_See I've got my eyes on the skies_  
 _The heavenly bodies up high_  
 _And if you're in the mood to take a ride_  
 _The strap on a suit and get inside_

At the prom, Jon tried to dance but failed miserably, because she was too damn depressed and plus have you _tried_ dancing in heels? I mean it; there was this one time I went to a bat mitzvah in heels and the DJ made sure everyone took their shoes _off_ before they danced and oh yeah this other time I walked in dress shoes without stockings on and it made my ankles _bleed_ okay-- anyway, she tried to dance but couldn't, and only ended up crumpled in a rather unattractive ball.

Once she'd finally peeled her eyes off the gym floor she saw a boy who was either dancing extremely, disproportionately-to-his-classmates well, or trying to remove bees from his pants. Either way, he was really, really sexy. And he saw Jon on the floor and he said, "Hi, I'm Stephen, and I want to dance with you and then make sweet, sweet love to you all night long. Also, by 'make sweet, sweet love to you all night long', I mean 'thrust my penis in and out of your anus'. That ok?"

"Yes!" gasped Jon, wiping her tears. Stephen took her hand.

_If you wanna fly, come and take a ride_  
 _Take a space ride with the cowboy, baby_  
 _If you wanna fly, come and take a ride_  
 _Take a space ride with the cowboy, baby_  
 _Why-yi-yi-yippie-yi-yay-yippie-yi-yo-yippie-yi-yay_  
 _Whi-yi-yi-yippie-yi-yay-yippie-yi-yo-yippie-yi-yo_

They danced for an hour, which successfully cleared the gym floor of anyone except for the very most suicidal of high schoolers, and besides none of the suicidal kids had come to the dance. Even the DJ left eventually, and then Jon noticed that conveniently a bed had been part of the prom decorations, because the prom was "Sweet Dreams" themed. Or maybe "California Dreamin'". "All I Have To Do Is Dream". (And by the way is it just me or is that song about masturbation?)

_We don't need all these prophecies_  
 _Tellin' us what's a sign, what's a sign_  
 _'Cause paranoia ain't the way to live your life from day to day_  
 _So leave your doubts and fears behind_

Stephen and Jon got in bed and then Stephen turned to Jon and said, "Have you ever been tied up and gagged?"

"Well, no," said Jon, fiddling with her dress. Stephen noticed and ripped it off her, leaving her in nothing but a tie-shaped diamond necklace and a massive erection. Jon smiled. "But I think I might like that."

_Don't be afraid at all_  
 _'Cause up in outer space there's no gravity to fall_  
 _Put your mind and body to the test_  
 _'Cause up in outer space it's like the wild wild west_

Stephen fucked Jon's poor virgin ass hard all night long, but Jon was okay with that. I mean, isn't that what always happens at prom?

"I love you, Stephen," said Jon, before she curled up into Stephen's shoulder and closed her eyes.

"I love you too, Jon," said Stephen, but Jon was already asleep. The janitor came in, shook his head, and then went off to his late night shift to deal with this whole thing about a dead boss and a panicking prostitute. All in a day's work.

_Boom and never let you try and stop me_  
 _Born to fly sky high, up to the top see_  
 _Nothing to fear, no doubts and no tears_  
 _Millennium sound to motivate the future years_  
 _And you can either be scared or get prepared_  
 _Against all odds I bet you never would've dared_  
 _To make these moves and take a flight like me_  
 _To come through for the world prophecy_  
 _Space connect to overthrow your interception,_  
 _Ready or not, make it hot_  
 _That ain't no question_  
 _Get *NSYNC and put your head to the sky_  
 _Keep the faith_  
 _One love from Left Eye (Left Eye)_

_Chorus-repeat_

_Riprock, Ag end of transmission_  
 _They've had enough_

So Stephen and Jon dated, and they were the envy of everyone in the whole school. They also had hot, sweaty sex at every opportunity until one day...

"I have something to tell you, Stephen," said Jon. "I'm pregnant."


End file.
